When it comes to the realms of sex and coupling, sometimes it’s hard to not let the dark storm clouds of daily life bombard the bedroom. In the past I have been able to shelf my personal life outside of the boudoir and focus on the tactile task at hand. But last year when I was hit hard by the failing economy and laid off from my steady editorial gig, my lack of work and the financial strain that came with it put my libido in major cool down mode. Before the layoff my sex life had never been affected by life’s inevitable highs and lows, but once my unemployment was in full swing I found it hard to get down or get in the mood. With my troubled thoughts forcing me into a self-imposed metaphorical chastity belt, the lack of intimacy turned my once hot-and-heavy relationship into an artic war zone. While I’m not looking to give you a fight-by-fight lowdown on how I managed to stave off the acrimonious bad vibes of my bedroom and successfully re-conquered my feminine mojo, I want to offer some first-hand advice on how to push forward through troubled times with your sex drive fully functioning and your relationship in tact. Here is a practical guide for how to break a dry spell from someone who lived through it.
Always Make Time for Intimacy
No matter what you’ve been through emotionally that day, or how many bills you had to pay or cover letters you slaved over, there needs to be room in your life for intimacy—and that doesn’t necessarily mean full-on foreplay or sex. Sometimes just cozying up with your significant other on the couch, or taking a shower together at the end of a long day can be enough love-charged physicality. Also, with all that snuggling and shower time you’re more likely to end up in a steamy make out sesh than you would if you both sit stiffly on your designated sides of the couch. I found that any intimacy—even if it feels forced at first—will help steer you on the path back to romance.
While you might not be feeling outwardly sexual, why not stoke your own fire with self-love sessions that will not only boost your libido, but are sure to stimulate energy and help to promote a better state of well being. Getting yourself reacquainted with the touch of your own hands—or your favorite toy of choice—will help to increase your desire for sexual engagements with your partner. It’s amazing how much the fantasies that you (literally) touch on during masturbation can spike a hunger for more sensuality, even if you’re in a depressed state of mind. So when you learn to love yourself again it becomes easier and almost impossible not to transfer that love to someone else.
Not In the Mood? Don’t Forget to Please Your Partner
When you’re down in the proverbial dumps it’s easy to become introspective and withdrawn. Since I went through this myself I can say that this can translate to self-focused behavior, which can leave your lover out in the cold. It is so very important for you to get outside your head once in a while and focus your love ray solely on your partner in pleasure. Devote some quality time to doing all the dirty things they love, because they are helping you through your hard transition, why not repay them the favor in spades. Work your magic for your significant other, whether it’s through monumental blowjobs, a much-needed massage or cleaning the apartment naked—even the smallest thing can help make a difference. My one regret was not focusing enough attention on my boyfriend because of my unrelenting fixation on my own negative thoughts. Believe me, your loved one will be thankful for the effort and will definitely enjoy the thrill of unexpected gratification.